In my career, I’ve attended the births of over 1500 babies. In almost every case, the parents wanted to be great parents. But most of them didn’t have a clue how to parent. So, most use the parenting style that their parents used. Is that healthy or is it a recipe for a parenting disaster? Today we’re looking at your parenting style to see if it’s healthy or harmful on this edition of Ask Dr. Walt.

From 2021-2022, I was honored to host a TV show on LiftableTV, “Ask Dr. Walt.”

In my career, I’ve attended the births of over 1500 babies. In almost every case, the parents wanted to be great parents. But most of them didn’t have a clue how to parent. So, most use the parenting style that their parents used. Is that healthy or is it a recipe for a parenting disaster? Today we’re looking at your parenting style to see if it’s healthy or harmful on this edition of Ask Dr Walt.

You can click below to watch a video of the show, and I’ve put the show transcript at the end of the blog if you’d prefer.

CLICK HERE TO WATCH

Show 34

To Become a Better Parent, Focus on Your Parenting Style

Guest: Den Trumbull, MD

TEASE:

In my career, I’ve attended the births of over 1500 babies. In almost every case, the parents wanted to be great parents. But most of them didn’t have a clue how to parent. So, most use the parenting style that their parents used. Is that healthy or is it a recipe for a parenting disaster? Today we’re looking at your parenting style to see if it’s healthy or harmful on this edition of Ask Dr. Walt.

OPEN:

Hi, everyone. I’m family physician Dr. Walt Larimore. Throughout my 40 plus years as a family physician, I’ve deeply enjoyed guiding young families as they learn how to parent their kids in a way that’s highly healthful. Erma Bombeck once said, “When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.” Someone else quipped, “Not all who wander are lost. Some are just parents, in Target, hiding from their children.” I like what journalist Maria Shriver wrote: “Having kids, the responsibility of rearing good, kind, ethical, responsible human beings, is the biggest job anyone can embark on. As with any risk, you have to take a leap of faith and ask lots of wonderful people for their help and guidance. I thank God every day for giving me the opportunity to parent.”

Returning to Ask Dr. Walt to help us in our parenting is my friend Den Trumbull, MD. Den received his medical degree from the University of Miami School of Medicine and completed his pediatric residency at the University of Alabama Children’s Hospital. After serving in the United States Air Force for four years, Dr. Trumbull entered private pediatric practice where he’s cared for children for almost 35 years including he and his wife, Nancy’s, five children and four grandchildren. He’s past President of the American College of Pediatricians, and he has written or helped write several Position Statements for the College. His primary area of interest is behavioral pediatrics and has written a new parenting book, Loving by Leading. Den, welcome back to Ask Dr. Walt.

QUESTIONS OR TOPICS:

• I suspect most of our viewers have heard of the American Academy of Pediatrics, but not the American College of Pediatricians, which you helped found. What is the ACP and why did you help get it started?
• Today I wanted our viewers to hear from you about parenting styles. It seems to me that every parent has a parenting style, whether they know it or not. True?
• And it also seems to me that couples usually don’t have the same parenting style and, if not, that can lead to marital conflict. How do you help parents mesh their styles into a single healthy parenting style?
• When I was writing my book, God’s Design for the Highly Healthy Child, almost 16-17 years ago, I first became aware of the research of Diana Baumrind, a clinical and developmental psychologist, who is said to have coined three parenting styles: (1) the authoritative parent – or the balanced parent, (2) the authoritarian parent – or the dictatorial parent, (3) and the permissive or indulgent parent – or the best friend parent. Later, other researchers added a fourth: (4) the uninvolved or neglectful parent. Dr. Baumrind wrote, “The parenting style used to rear a child will likely impact that child’s future success by almost every measure, but especially in romantic, peer, and parenting relationships.” Over the last twenty years, what are researchers and parenting experts saying now about parenting styles?
• My experience is that the ideal parenting style balances parental warmth with parental demandingness or discipline. Would you agree?
• We talked about discipline in our last visit together, but when I think about parental warmth, I think about what I call the ABC’s. “A” for affirmation, admiration, and affection, “B” for blameless or unconditional love, and “C” for connectedness – in other words connecting with our kids, connecting our kids to the Lord, and connecting our kids to good friends. Are there any of those you resonate with in particular?
• Where do most parents get their parenting style? Is it from one’s upbringing, one’s adult peers, the media, parenting research, or the actual child?
• When I was writing my book, a took a page from Gary Smalley and John Trent and called the four parenting styles (1) the sloth parents, (2) the grizzly bear parents, (3) the Labrador retriever parents, and (4) the Eagle. (1) The sloth parents are neither warm nor demanding, (2) the grizzly bear parents are demanding but not warm, (3) the Labrador retriever parents are warm and friendly, but not demanding, and (4) the Eagle balance warmth and demandingness. Does that make sense?
• Before we finish, Den, talk a bit about helicopter parents and the harm they do to their kids.
• Barb and I always thought of balanced parenting, that practiced by Eagle parents, as successfully balancing blessing with boundaries, cheering with coaching, discipleship with discipline, love with leadership, relationship with rules, and teaching with training. In other words, like the example of God the Father, they balance grace and mercy with truth and justice.
• Den, any final recommendations to parents about their parenting style?

THANK DEN.

Dr. Trumbull’s latest book, Loving by Leading is available at most online bookstores. In addition, if you’d like to take a free assessment to determine your parenting style, go to my website at www.DrWalt.com and scroll to the bottom of the page where you’ll find the Assessment Tools section. Look for the “Assessing Your Parenting Style.” You can also read more about parenting highly healthy children in a couple of my books, God’s Design for the Highly Healthy Child and God’s Design for the Highly Healthy Teen. Again, go to www.DrWalt.com and click on the books tab.

Finally, if you have concerns about your or your family’s health that you’d like me to consider in future programs, just drop me an email at AskDrWalt@LiftableTV.com. One warning, I cannot answer specific questions about your individual health, but I bet you have plenty of great general questions to ask me, so send them in to AskDrWalt@LiftableTV.com, and we’ll get to as many as we can during future programs.

Until our next visit, let’s get moving together toward true health, and “Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.”

Disclaimer: The “Ask Dr. Walt” show is designed for entertainment purposes to give information on various medical conditions, treatments, and procedures for your personal knowledge and to help you be a more informed consumer of medical and health services.

© Copyright WLL, INC. 2024. This blog provides healthcare tips and advice that you can trust about a wide variety of general health information only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment from your regular physician. If you are concerned about your health, take what you learn from this blog and meet with your personal doctor to discuss your concerns.